My experience as a young woman on trains.

You could say I am fairly new to trains, having only just got the hang of public transport, buses, trains and the like around a year ago when I moved out ( and subsequently back in) to go to university in Canterbury. However, while the majority of my train journeys have been pleasant enough as to not deter me from public transport completely, there has been the odd incident that has put me very much on edge.

Now I suppose it IS important to note that I am quite an anxious person - however I feel that even more confident people in my position would also feel considerably uncomfortable in these situations.

Situation #1 : The Hulk

It was late enough to be dark outside and I was travelling home from a good friends house having spent the day there. I was sat with my headphones on, listening to music as I often am on the train, when I saw two police officers rush through the door to the next carriage. Now I often get a little bit anxious to know what is happening when I see police anywhere, but being trapped on a train with a potentially dangerous person - is quite a nerve wracking concept to me. So naturally I pretty much immediately went into panic mode, my mind racing and my heart pounding.

A few minutes had passed when the police brought a man through the carriage door, they kept an eye on him for a minute or so and then left again through the same door. Another few minutes passed and the man the police brought through, gets up from his seat, calmly walks to the door and tries to open it. When the door doesn't open he then proceeds to aggressively jam the button over and over and begins to shout something along the lines of "let me fucking through" "let me fucking talk to her". By this point I should probably mention that I was sitting VERY close to this door and fearing for my life when he started banging on the door with both fists and trying to kick it open. What if he decided to take his anger out on the nearest person? AKA me!

Luckily I wasn't too far from home at this point, with only a couple more stops to go. As the train pulled into my destination, I got up from my seat and went to stand by the door - I felt the angry man's presence behind me and begged for him not to get angry with me for no good reason. As soon as the doors opened I speed walked as fast as I could down the stairs and out of the station to meet my dad in the car park and be driven home to safety.

Situation #2: Mega Misogynists

This incident took place early in the morning. Having moved home, it now meant I had to get on the train at 7 am in order get to University for 9 am lectures. My close friend from University and I got the train together for the majority of the first year of University and this was a routine we were very familiar with by this point. We talked to each other (usually about Kpop and assignments) therefore neither of us had headphones on to block out the busy travellers around us.

Our preferred seats on the train, were opposite each other on a table - mainly my preferred seat since I have long legs and in other seats they tend to get crushed. Therefore on days when seats were scarce, we would have strangers sitting next to us, this is something else we were used to by now, and we usually didn't let it bother us too much, however on this day two teenage boys chose to sit next to us.

I will never forget how I felt sitting next to these two teenage boys. Small, powerless, angry, ashamed and a million other emotions.

These two boys, decided that an early morning train, full of school children, would be a great place to have a 45 minute conversation about their 'opinion' of women, their sexual experiences and preferences. While sat next to two women who had no choice but to sit there and listen to them objectify women.

Now neither my friend nor I are confrontational people. I have struggled with this fact many times. There have been so many incidences where I feel I should have spoken up and I know I would have if I weren't so terrified of confrontation. This was really one of those situations. The way they talked about women made my blood boil. I was angry for days afterwards, I couldn't let my anger go - I felt their words in my brain like dirt I couldn't scrub off.

Not a day goes by I don't wish I'd said something, done something, to stand up for my entire gender right in the moment when it mattered most.

Situation #3: Drunk man

This is the most recent incident and happened just last night as I write this. This time was another late trip home from a friends, luckily I was with a close friend from primary school on this occasion instead of being alone. When an old man, clearly drunk, got on the train and sat down at the table seat next to us. He continuously slurred his words and spoke aloud about taking girls out 'for a good time' it was hard to know when he was trying to talk to us or talking to himself but my friend and I became increasingly more uncomfortable as we passed more and more stops without him getting off. Drunk people in public are enough to put me on edge anyway since drunk people can be very unpredictable - let alone being stuck on a train with one who keeps trying to talk to you despite your clear disinterest. Then when he starts talking about making sure his 'girls get home alright' referring to you are your friend - your anxious brain tells you this man is going to try and follow you home.

By this point my heart was pounding - my friend and I were communicating via text and decided to move down two carriages to the front of the train and far away from this man.

Luckily the man was either too drunk to follow us or thought that we had got off the train but we didn't see him again after we moved carriages. We still ran for our lives when the train reached the last stop down and up the stairs and out of the train station.

In conclusion

Every time I have one of these experiences I find myself wondering what factors play a role in making me feel that I am in danger. Is it just my anxiety or does the fact that I am a young woman play a role? I often wonder if men ever get scared in these situations. Do men get scared walking home alone late at night? Society would suggest that men don't get scared by many things but I would like to know the truth.

Despite these situations making me feel considerably shaken up afterwards it still hasn't deterred me from doing what I want to just because I would have to travel late at night.

Kaitlyn.

#female #feminism #trains #publictransport #anxiety