What I wish I knew before I became and adult.

According to my nine-year-old cousins, I am still a teenager on the account that my age contains the word teen. To them, I’m not an adult until next year when I turn twenty.

Something is satisfying about being considered an adult at the age of twenty. At twenty you’ve lived two decades as opposed to having lived almost two decades at eighteen. I know from experience the difference those two years can make, and I’ve only lived one of them so far. But after a year I certainly feel more grown up then I did at eighteen, when I was still at the school I had been going to since I was eleven.

Being an ‘adult’ involves a lot of juggling. You feel busy 24/7; it never stops. There is always something that needs doing. If you’re not busy with university work, budgeting or trying to have a social life, you can bet your arse there’s a pile of washing in the corner. Then, of course, you go to make dinner and discover you’ve run out of food.

This constant chain of tasks and responsibilites seems like it came out of nowhere, almost like I went to bed a child and woke up an 'adult'.

I forced myself to grow up. No one told me to, I just took it upon myself to grow up at the age of ten. Ten was ‘double digits,’ it meant I had lived for a decade. I decided at ten that big girls don’t sleep with cuddly toys in their bed, a night light or the radio on to drown out scary noises. I trained myself out of anything I considered childish and kept my sights trained on secondary school, then college, then university.

I began planning my career from a young age. Focusing on the question ‘what do you want to be when you’re older?’ a little too heavily. I had plenty of possible careers I was interested in, but the most prominent ones have been: dolphin trainer until around eleven, a forensic scientist until around 16, a criminal psychologist for a measly year (until I found out how much law it involves) to wanting to work in publishing. My point is I’ve always known, from a young age, that I wanted a career. I also knew it would take me a while to get there, but I couldn’t wait for the day to arrive. Thus, I wished my childhood away.

I always wanted to go to university, especially once I finished my GCSE’s. I was fed up of being surrounded by kids who didn’t want to be there studying something they didn’t care about and probably would never need to use ever again. I longed to be surrounded by like-minded people, passionate about what they were studying. People who wanted to be there.

Although I firmly believe that in my nineteen years, 2018 so far has been the best year of my life and I feel the most independent and like an ‘adult.’ I sincerely wish I knew to appreciate my childhood while I still could.

All those days spent worrying about getting good grades so that I could get into a grammar school, which I didn’t. So I could get into college, which I didn’t. So I could get into university to study something I was passionate about, which I did. While they weren’t wasted, without them I wouldn’t be where I am today and be as happy as I am.

I just think more of those days could have been better spent appreciating everything my parents did for me. Paying for my clothes, food, and toys. Making me homemade meals. Doing housework. Looking after me when I was ill. As well as appreciating the lack of responsibility and the sheer amount of free time I had to spend doing the things I enjoyed or seeing the people I cared about.

If I could give my younger self one piece of knowledge I have now, it would be that life moves fast — if you don’t stop and appreciate the little things, they’ll be gone before you know it.

Kaitlyn

#blog #childhood #adulthood #writing #regret #hindsight