According to research, derealisation occurs in over 50% of the population
- Kaitlyn Cowling
- Nov 14, 2018
- 3 min read
Updated: Feb 15, 2021
The phrase “According to research” holds a lot of power. It suggests that the following statement is true, it has been scientifically tried, tested and proven.
So do you believe these statements to be true?
According to research;
“In 2013 there were 8.2 million cases of anxiety in the UK”(Fineberg et al, 2013).
“In England Women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders than men” (Martin Merino et al 2009).
“Depersonalisation or derealisation symptoms experiences are common, estimated to occur in over 50% of the population” (Cleveland clinic, 2016)
Even with the phrase “According to research” it’s easy to read a statistic and glaze over, or even skip reading it. However, once you have real-life context for a statistic I feel it is much harder to forget.
One reason statistics may have little impact is because you don’t know fully understand what is being discussed.
Anxiety: “An emotion characterised by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure.”(APA)
Depersonalisation: “A state in which one's thoughts and feelings seem unreal or not to belong to oneself.”
Derealisation: “Feeling of being disconnected […] from one’s surroundings or environment.”
Even now, with definitions to better understand the statistics, it still feels like a cold, clinical statement. The definitions are understandably broad, considering everyone experiences mental illness differently.
I have anxiety and experience derealisation.
I have had anxiety since I was 14, not so severe that it is completely debilitating, but enough to result in a fair few mental breakdowns, counselling and skipping school. Over the past year my anxiety has been remarkably better than it used to be, however as winter draws closer it seems to be creeping back in again.
The way I experience anxiety varies on the situation and the reason I am anxious. When I am particularly anxious the physical sensation is almost unbearable. My head feels like it is being crushed in a vice, my shoulders feel tight and as if they are being pulled to my ears by invisible strings. My whole body aches but particularly my chest. I find it difficult to breathe and I feel as though I am going to vomit. On a less severe occasion I feel light headed and like I can’t breathe or swallow.
For me, most of the time I feel anxious or experience an anxiety attack I have no idea why. One minute I can be sitting in a lecture perfectly fine and the next, for no reason at all, I start to feel anxious.
The derealisation, however, I have only been able to put a name to recently. I know I have experienced it in the past but recently it has been happening more and more often, leading me to find out it is a symptom connected to several mental illnesses, as well as a disorder all on its own for some people.
To me, this is how derealisation feels:
SCENE 1
You are sitting around a dimly lit table with all your closest family and friends. Everything is fuzzy and muffled. The room temperature feels the same temperature as your body as if you could dissipate into it at any moment. You are not really there, or if you are, you are behind thick glass, separated from the world.
SCENE 2
You are walking around your house. Your feet and head feel heavy. You feel as if someone is pushing down on the top of you, you are sinking into the floor. When you walk, you are walking through sludge rather than air. Everything is heavy.
SCENE 3
You sit on the sofa and watch your friends enjoy themselves. You sink further into the sofa, the pressure building in your head. The realisation that it is happening again dawns on you. You are less afraid than you were before the feeling had a name but still upset none the less. You can’t join in without feeling further disconnected from reality.
END
I’ve come to accept that this is just how I feel sometimes, there is no point panicking when it happens, as this will only make it worse. Writing is my escape. Writing allows me to understand myself and my emotions. Sometimes I don’t understand why I am feeling a certain way unless I sit down and write.
I don’t think I’m alone in this, especially since there is constant debate about the link between creative people and mental illness. I decided to write this, in part to help alleviate some of my symptoms, in part in the hope that someone may stumble across it, read it and feel a little less alone.
Mental health awareness of anxiety and depression in 2018 is a lot better than it used to be, however, it’s not often that I see depersonalisation or derealisation discussed. I hope I am able to help someone else put a name to the ‘floaty, not really there’ feeling. If that is you, I wish you the best of luck in your journey with anxiety, if you figure it out, please let me know.
Kaitlyn
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